Expecting more
A note on the text:
Expecting was a piece of work made in response to my experiences during 2020/ 2021. I have spoken to/worked with other women who accessed maternity services during the pandemic restrictions and all of them said they felt that their experiences have not been aired, validated nor have they ever had an apology for what they went through. I am one of many.
The piece of work is released while leaked whatsapp messages give an insight into the workings of government policy during the Covid Pandemic. Women had no choice but to give birth, they received devastating news and were in unimaginable pain and distress whilst the pubs were open and the health secretary was snogging his girlfriend.
The piece of work is reflective of my state of mind – at times finding solace in the humour, weirdness, and unbelievable nature of what was happening whilst also extremely angry and at times helpless.
I was so enraged about the circumstances around my pregnancy but aware that my anger could have a negative impact on my unborn baby, so I channelled it into my diaries which I share with the listeners.
My story is not unique. I am fighting the instinct to say “but it all ended well” “look what I got – my beautiful child” because we shouldn’t have to make other people feel comfortable or quantify anything when it comes to our real and very distressing experiences.
Women have been held in a chokehold by this pinch point between their feelings and their responsibilities. Fuck that. Tell your stories.
For my daughter.